Posted by onceupon on September 3, 2009, at 23:31:16
In reply to Re: Wanting, posted by Daisym on September 3, 2009, at 1:17:18
Oh, reading this made me tear up. Thanks for your thoughts, Daisy.
What you said that especially resonated with me was about feeling deserving of caring and comfort. "Deserve" has been a trigger word for me for as long as I can remember. I don't recall why exactly, but I feel undeserving in my bones. And I tell myself to grow up on about an every other day basis.
In thinking about it, I realize that I would like my therapist to "hold me with words" more frequently. I know, to varying degrees, that she cares, but feeling it is often a different matter. She seems to tend toward the intellectual more than I might like. I feel like I'm constantly seeking reassurance that what I say, especially about our relationship is OK, that it's not too much, etc.
And that brings me to optimal frustration - a concept I understand in theory, but not so much in practice! My therapist rarely offers direct reassurance. I think I get the reasoning behind that, but I'm often left with the feeling that there are so many unanswered questions between us.
At any rate, I'm so glad to hear that you're able to allow yourself to have your therapist's caring - it makes me feel hopeful. Practicing allowing myself the same seems like a good thing to try.
Thanks again for your words, Daisy. They mean a lot, if only to know that I'm not so alone in the struggle.
poster:onceupon
thread:915522
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090730/msgs/915676.html