Posted by Daisym on September 3, 2009, at 1:17:18
In reply to Wanting, posted by onceupon on September 2, 2009, at 23:07:38
Of course you want her to nurture you. Isn't that what she does, emotionally, during sessions? And the natural extension of that is to want physical comfort too. And to want it in your life as a constant thing that you can have when you need it. So it hurts, hurts, hurts, to know it is so limited, even if she genuinely cares about you.
You are feeling human. That is nothing to be ashamed about. And I think children who get nurtured integrate a knowing into their soul that they DESERVE this kind of caring and comfort. So they can take it in from partners and friends and their family - it isn't threatening at all. Those of us who didn't get it, feel like we shouldn't want it - that it is too late, or we are too weak, or some other self-talk that says "stand on your own, you are grown up now." We have very loud prohibitions against have needs and wanting those needs met by anyone other than ourselves.
I think therapy give us a taste of feeling safe and cared for. And like a junkie, we want more and more of that. Because it is a good thing. Winnicott talked about optimal frustration for clients. He believed that clients will go look for what they are wanting from their therapist out in the real world if the therapist can keep it safe enough without gratifying the client completely.
I wish I knew the magic answer to the struggle. It is the hardest thing for me too. I let myself have my therapist's caring - I feel it and I'm great with it. And then I freak out and feel like I shouldn't want it, that it isn't real and I'm an idiot for thinking he cares or that I want him to.
I do know that holding yourself back will only make it worse. So allow the attachment and give yourself permission to just need and want it for right now. It will probably ease off again soon.
poster:Daisym
thread:915522
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090730/msgs/915534.html