Posted by ceres on May 9, 2009, at 7:44:05
In reply to Mother's Day, posted by yellowbird01 on May 8, 2009, at 18:12:13
YellowBird,
I think there are a lot of people, especially in their 20's, struggling with this same thing.Our culture puts mothers on a pedestal. Thus, we have sappy cards that don't align w/ real human beings.
I lean toward sending a card. I mean, something simple, or a humorous one, not "Mom, you're my best friend," or "You are always there for me." Maybe send an e-card, to avoid the stores & the pink balloons.
This holiday provides structure for acknowledging your connection to one another, however anemic & fragile it currently is. One makes contact, knowing that everyone's fallible & even those disproportionately so have the possibility of evolving.
About protecting oneself, that works with short correspondence, occasional cards. If you talk on the phone, planning points to converse on & those to avoid & keeping the call short ought to help. Visits can be short, very structured & in a neutral territory (park, cafe,..). --but, no more than cards when you're feeling very depressed or unstable.
Another thing that can be helpful, is to write a list of any positive attributes or memories or partial memories, anything you can eek out about your Mother. You might have to really stretch yourself or be creative, or ask another person who knows your Mother.
One can accept a deeply flawed human being, not expecting reciprocity from them.
You might feel more peace, at the time when your mother dies, knowing that you kept the door open, made a gentle effort, and handled things with what grace you could muster in such circumstance. This path would be about your peace & well being.And, how about Phillipa's generous offer? A 2nd chance for a friendly mother!
poster:ceres
thread:894800
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090421/msgs/894865.html