Posted by Dinah on May 6, 2009, at 11:46:41
In reply to Re: Apologies » Dinah, posted by TherapyGirl on May 6, 2009, at 11:30:04
It's not unfair. But it may not be a realistic hope.
I admit I tell people all the time what I need to hear. My therapist will often counter with what he feels he is able to say. The resulting negotiation often leads to a compromise we can both live with. I hope he would do the same with me. It's hard to know what other people need to hear. It would do me no good to wait for him to say something that he might well feel, but that it might not occur to him to express.
But if someone does know what I need to hear, and says it with truth and genuineness, or maybe even especially if we negotiate on wording that one can say with all truth and the other can accept with good feeling, it is just as good. Really. The key is the level of genuineness. If someone robotly repeats it back, then no. But if someone figuratively holds us and says "But Dinah, of course that's how I feel. Didn't you know that?" it can feel very special.
I'm going to share something with you that could cause me incredible embarrassment, since I don't recall the circumstances and I may have been acting like an idiot. But it's an on Babble example of how truly touching a requested apology can be. It still makes me tear up a bit.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20050128/msgs/451552.html
Ask. You just may receive.
poster:Dinah
thread:894390
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090421/msgs/894474.html