Posted by Garnet71 on April 27, 2009, at 0:51:29
In reply to my therapist is taking a new position, posted by desolationrower on April 25, 2009, at 1:52:15
You need to worry about getting better--not how the therapist feels about you or your decision, not why she said this/that, or not how you will make her feel...Do what's best for you.
Have you noticed any changes during your time with this therapist? If not, maybe it is time for a change. You said yourself you've tried exposure and now can't get yourself to do it. Is that progress? Maybe a change will be what sets you on a new path.
I think it's helpful sometimes to have rotating therapists--escpecially if you haven't made progress--to have people of different education/background/experience/skills/cognitive type, etc. I've had 3 different ones for the most part--each had something to offer that the other did not.
Maybe that is part of social anxiety-these thoughts running through your mind...(or maybe social anxiety is hurting your self-esteem). It's very obvious...that you are having a fear of being judged/social anxiety when making this decision (rather than using your logic):
- i sort of hate asking her more directly
- i'm not sure if shes trying to say i might do better with someone else
- i feel like i don't want to talk about things because it might end with us deciding she's not helping me
- i don't really fear other's disapprobation so much as i fear creeping others out or making them feel bad.Which is why..again...you need to make a decision based on your progress, what's best for you..don't evaluate reactions, feelings; evaluate it is a problem solving issue. Fear of another person's reaction to a perfectly reasonable decision that is important to you, such as displeasing someone, can be a huge sign of self-esteem problems.
I may have said this before, but I think w/your social anxiety you first have to accept yourself in totality before you can make change. Accept the good and bad. This does not mean you like social anxiety or not intend to change, it means that this problem will not be solved until you first realize there is a person there that people like to begin with-social anxiety and all. Of course, most people don't get a chance to know you, but if they did, they would like you just the way you are. I think that's the core to successfully beating it. F*ck, I wish I could explain this better to you...your doing this in the wrong order.
I really think you are looking at this from the wrong angle--this decision, your treatment. I think you should change your goal from trying to change yourself to 'get others to accept you' to first accepting yourself. When you figure that out, change in social interaction will come a lot easier from your efforts. You probably have already decided people are not going to like you before you even meet them. Maybe cognitive based therapy should come later for you?
I'm guessing you are seeing a cognitive therapist rather than psychoanalysist? Try the opposite if you haven't gotten very far.
I really hope the best for you, d/r.
p.s. - self confidence is not the same as self-esteem.....social anxiety, I can imagine, can crush a person's self-esteem..
poster:Garnet71
thread:892684
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090421/msgs/892988.html