Posted by Dinah on April 26, 2009, at 17:52:37
In reply to Re: Feeling melancholy » Dinah, posted by MollieQ on April 25, 2009, at 2:24:43
> > He thinks that the reason I don't get along with mental health professionals is that most of them see me as in need of "fixing". And I resist being fixed. He says that perhaps he did too at one time. But that he doesn't any more.
>
> Do you know what he means by this? Do you agree?He says I present myself as being younger than I am chronologically, particularly when I'm in emotional me mode, rather than rational me mode. Since T2 told me flat out to grow up (in our first session) and T3 said it far more tactfully in our umpteenth session, I have to assume there's some validity to what he says.
> I'm sure some of it belongs to you (and some to them). But maybe not in the way you think. I understand what you are saying. My point is that it is unlikely to be some intrinsic quality about you, as your comments are implying, like some character fault, your oddness, appearance etc. To me it seems much more likely to be some behavior that you have exhibited toward many MH professionals. That behavior may be perfectly realistic and justified, by the way.I suppose for different professionals, it may have been different reasons. For example, biofeedback guy was a very aggressive, in your face, jerk who said some pretty presumptuous things about my therapist and our relationship on our *first* meeting. He also got mad at me because my blood pressure and body temp jumped when he entered the room.
I didn't think his behavior was appropriate and told him so. I think I can guess the biggest reason he didn't like me. :)
> Forgive me for saying this but I really don't like that your T's explanation made you feel socially defective or judged or wrong in some way.
My therapist will freely admit that he sees me as socially challenged. Call it schizotypal, or Asperger's or whatever it may be, he sees my psychopathology as getting in the way of social relationships. He was thrilled when I found Babble, and for the most part has been totally supportive of my time here because he considers this a level of social interaction I can tolerate and/or handle. He's also been very very supportive to the point of pushiness in my getting involved in real life social groups where I can feel accepted. My therapist apparently does not think my goal of weird dog lady hermit is one he wants me to pursue. He's delighted I've found one, and he reminds me all the time that I am accepted there. I am accepted in that real life group of people. They're exceptionally tolerant people, and I think some of them are perhaps are not totally unfamiliar with the sort of feelings I have. I'm very lucky to have found them. But my experience with them is not at all typical.
It's not pleasant for anyone, least of all me, to admit that there are people who are not all that socially desirable. I'm an overweight platterfaced, lank haired person who never wears makeup and often dresses badly, or oddly. Society might not be pleased to recognize it, but ugly people are treated differently. As are fat people. They've done tons of studies on this, and all studies have borne out the idea that people judge attractive people more favorably even on traits totally unrelated to appearance.
Social awkwardness just makes things worse. I have no ability to judge social rhythm at all. Any more than I can dance or clap in time to music. One on one, it might not be obvious. But with more than one person around, I'm likely to either be silent because I can never find an opportunity to enter a conversation, or three beats behind on conversational topics, or sadly I interrupt. Not because I don't care what others are saying, but because I find it impossible to correctly judge the correct moment to speak.
My eye contact is poor. I try to improve it, but I have real trouble with it. I can never figure out how it's done. How is it possible to make eye contact? I can meet one eye or the other, but how on earth do you do both?
I even walk funny. I have a bouncy toe walk that I've had since I was a child. Many have tried to eradicate it, but many have failed.
Some of my social problems may be anxiety related. Some may be neurological in basis. And some are just that when it comes right down to it, I'm lucky to get out the house with two matching shoes on. Comfort always beats out any other consideration to me, and I'm not willing to spend lots of time on my appearance. Not that it would make a huge difference. :)
Next time you see that dumpy middle aged woman in inexpensive clothes, with unattractive features, and blondish brownish thin lank hair possibly in braids, you could be looking at me.
My therapist isn't wrong in his assessment. I'm not wrong in my assessment. It's who I am. The most delightful people see past the surface and try to meet me on a deeper level. I try very hard not to push those people away out of a fear of being a burden to them. It's not always easy for me.
I think... That's just the way things are. Like Susan Boyle before she started to sing. It's a shame, yes. But it's probably deeply ingrained into our DNA for some long ago survival skills reason.
My therapist isn't the first to say this, and won't be the last. I remember my father nodding agreement when my uncle noted that I might do well in school, but at least people *liked* my brother. Or he had friends. Something like that.
poster:Dinah
thread:891996
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090421/msgs/892916.html