Posted by MollieQ on April 25, 2009, at 2:24:43
In reply to Re: Feeling melancholy » MollieQ, posted by Dinah on April 24, 2009, at 16:38:52
> He thinks that the reason I don't get along with mental health professionals is that most of them see me as in need of "fixing". And I resist being fixed. He says that perhaps he did too at one time. But that he doesn't any more.
Do you know what he means by this? Do you agree?
> I really do think you're right about my therapist and perhaps about the others too. But it's hard, when there seems to be a lot of negative reaction towards me, not to conclude that whatever is going on with others, some of it must have to do with me.
I'm sure some of it belongs to you (and some to them). But maybe not in the way you think. I understand what you are saying. My point is that it is unlikely to be some intrinsic quality about you, as your comments are implying, like some character fault, your oddness, appearance etc. To me it seems much more likely to be some behavior that you have exhibited toward many MH professionals. That behavior may be perfectly realistic and justified, by the way.
MH professionals have their own reactions, very human and probably fairly similar, to someone who is obviously not too keen on them. In their heart of hearts, they may feel rejected themselves and personalize in the same way as you (what is it in me that Dinah doesn't like?), especially if they've had other clients react to them in similar ways. They may also feel insecure professionally, doubt their own skills or ability to attract clients and draw them in. This is especially likely for referrals, when they have to tell the person who referred you to them that they were unable to attract and/or keep you. If they are at all narcissistic, they may feel you just don't "get" their many wonderful qualities and be dismissive of you in return. These are all just human reactions that they could have in response to your not wanting to work with them.
There could be loads of perfectly legitimate reasons why you don't like most MH professionals. They really may not offer you the relationship or type of assistance you want. That's just careful shopping on your part, IMO. There are a lot of well-meaning MH professionals out there who prompt a similar negative response in me, perhaps most I've seen as well. When a relationship is going well it tends to make both parties feel great, validated and attractive (in the broadest sense); a bad match or unsuccessful bonding tends to make both (especially the rejected party) feel bad about themselves in some way. That's the nature of human interactions. Some will project these feelings upon the client or blame the client for not liking them.
This is what I meant by it's a joint construction, not something that they (who operate on some "higher" level than you) see within you and judge as undesirable. In "their professional opinion" of course. If your T's observation has any accuracy, then perhaps it is because you were seeking something othered than what they offered, a different type of approach or empathy. Maybe "fixing" is just not what you had in mind and that's what they feel they do best, what they want to offer, whether or ot it's what you wanted or needed. Or maybe you are just picky. No problem there. Forgive me for saying this but I really don't like that your T's explanation made you feel socially defective or judged or wrong in some way. To me this was empathic failure on his part. It sounded to me like there was some projection there too, perhaps if the early days evoked defensive feelings. But nonetheless, he should be focusd on helping you work through these unrealistic and undoubtedly painful feelings that there's something unacceptable about you, rather than seeming to support and confirm the self-judging voice within you. He may just not get that, as you suggest, in which case he needs to work on himself in this area, and not just with you.
Admittedly, everything I'm saying (except my own experience) is all based on 2nd-hand info. But I have noticed that things you talk about in your threads tend to echo these themes.
I hope this makes sense and that you don't feel bad about any of it. My intention is just the opposite. I like to feel that I'm not projecting so much as relating and identifying :-)
Mollie
poster:MollieQ
thread:891996
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090421/msgs/892687.html