Posted by onceupon on April 9, 2009, at 10:33:38
In reply to What is your T. to you??, posted by fleeting flutterby on April 9, 2009, at 10:13:56
My therapist (female) is definitely a mother-figure to me, even though she's only a few years older than I am. I struggle with this CONSTANTLY. I've also always struggled to connect with my (depressive, mildly abusive when I was a kid) mother, and I know I've used various therapeutic relationships as opportunities to try to get what I never got from my mom. The reasons why I struggle with viewing my therapist as a mother-figure are many and varied, but include fears that it's "wrong" (i.e., she's my therapist, not my mother), that it's only going to hurt me in the end (because I know the relationship is finite in its duration), and, of course, frustration that my therapist can't actually mother me.
More recently, I have been trying very hard to see my therapist as a therapist, and nothing more. This is nice in some ways, because no one else gets to play that role in my life, and, as you say "allowing her to take that role" keeps the expectations clearer for me. Of course, I still "pull" for my therapist to act like a mother - sometimes explicitly, and sometimes more implicitly. I've found it incredibly helpful (but also terrifying) to talk directly about *our* relationship - how it's going, what it is, what it can be, how it's different from other relationships, etc.
I'm not sure if that's helpful or not. Have you talked directly with your therapist about this struggle yet?
poster:onceupon
thread:889620
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090328/msgs/889623.html