Posted by raisinb on April 6, 2009, at 23:40:05
In reply to Re: my therapist ruined my session » raisinb, posted by Dinah on April 6, 2009, at 22:46:48
Well...maybe I have been misrepresenting her and our relationship...just because I wanted to believe so badly that it was strong and real. After all, she has said extremely hurtful, rejecting things before, and I let them go, because I was trying to see things in the greater context of our relationship and other, wonderful things she's said. But perhaps I just wasn't attending to the reality the way I should have. Maybe I just wanted to believe everything would be okay and that I hadn't wasted this huge time and emotional energy, and that my perceptions were so off. How can you say, to the same person, in a space of a few months, "I care about you very much, raisin," and "please call me, if you're struggling," and then "I can't promise you I'll never feel indifferent about this therapy" (a comment from several months ago) and "I'll never feel as emotionally connected as you" ? (Huh? this is why I never leave and never really commit).
I hope you are right, Dinah. Right now I'm sick of the whole thing and I want a therapist who won't be so back and forth. I wish I could find someone who unambivalently wants to be there (which she claims she does, then says things like this). I'm tired.
Your interpretation is the interpretation I'd like to believe. Sure, therapists are never quite as emotionally invested as their clients. That's not something I have trouble accepting--or at least, I recognize I need to. But--she was speaking out of her real, true feelings in that moment (more accurately, her lack of feelings). How do you get beyond that, exactly? And why should I? Is that right for my emotional growth and self-acceptance?
Crap.
poster:raisinb
thread:889045
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090328/msgs/889119.html