Posted by lucie lu on March 6, 2009, at 7:59:18
In reply to OMG Meltdown in session, posted by lucie lu on March 5, 2009, at 18:26:42
Thank you all so much for the support, caring, and encouragement. I couldn't think of anyone I wanted to reach out to more last night than you all on Babble. I knew you'd understand.
Although I simply couldn't contain the powerful emotions set off by the session, I do agree that they are an important step toward healing. (Seldom, both of my parents were alcoholic and I was the oldest sibling, role reversal etc, classic ACOA). So some of the emotional power certainly was related to the past. But some was from the present and my relationship with my DH. He has some major issues of his own, which he has more or less refused to acknowledge and has managed to sidestep over the years by gaslighting me and focusing on my mental health problems. My long-standing anger about both histories just erupted during the session. This is why we are in couples therapy, to clear these things out and express the unexpressable, so this was good for me, and I think ultimately for us, even if it came out in an uncontrolled manner. But I realize now that I had faith that the couples T could handle it (he's good) and that, at least in that setting, my DH could too. He couldn't have, prior to starting his own therapy recently. This was a welcome development to me, needless to say.
There is a separate problem involving my own T, which I'll post about later. There has been a growing rupture(obvious to me)over the past couple of months but he seems clueless. He doesn't really seem to be acknowledging it even though I've been raising it in almost every session. I even had a few sessions recently with a consultant, who I've seen before, to talk over my concerns. This time, though, I didn't tell my regular T about visiting the consultant. That says something about my eroding trust. I will see him later today. I hope we get somewhere.
So although I think the general direction is forward, this is a pretty shaky and tumultuous time for me right now on all fronts and I'm feeling very vulnerable and confused.
So thanks again for your warm thoughts and messages.
Love you all.
Lucie
poster:lucie lu
thread:883952
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090227/msgs/884033.html