Posted by MusicLuv on February 27, 2009, at 12:57:34
Hi All,
I had a really REALLY rough night last night. I haven't talked too much about my problems but I have PTSD and flashbacks and to avoid that I get myself in to really bad situations.
So work was really stressful last night and I met up with a couple old friends after work. Took a couple of ativan (which is not prescribed for me) and proceeded to drink A LOT (which is unlike me). The combination of the two made me really out of it and I started feeling depersonalized, just watching what I was doing from the outside while I hit on my longtime (married) friend and started talking about things I shouldn't have been bringing up.
I almost passed out at the table, then decided it was time to drive home (I am usually the first to keep my friends from driving after thy drink). Friends tried to stop me but I thought I was fine. I called my T while walking to my car. She didn't answer. I left a message that I needed her, 'please call me' with no response. Driving was horrible. I was all over the place. Thank goodness I didn't get in an accident.
I got home, took muscle relaxers (also not prescribed for me)... 3 of them. Passed out for 14 hours. Woke up 3 hours after I was supposed to be at work. Still no word from T. I'm so embarrassed about my actions last night and I'm back in a place where I feel totally worthless. I want to just curl up in a ball and count how many prescription pills I can take until I fall asleep and can't remember anything anymore.
I don't know why I'm posting this really. I just hope someone will see it as what NOT to do. If you have a bad day, go home and write, or read, or work out.... that's what I SHOULD have done.
Sorry this is long. Thank you for letting me vent.
Bye,
MusicLuv
poster:MusicLuv
thread:882816
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090227/msgs/882816.html