Posted by rskontos on February 13, 2009, at 15:48:24
In reply to Re: Apparently I am hard to get.. (triggery + long) » rskontos, posted by antigua3 on February 13, 2009, at 8:44:35
> Well, you are a sensitive person and that's OK. You are who you are.
***thanks you. I forget it is ok to be me. I have always hid my sensitivities. You know growing in households where certain behaviors got you in trouble, even as an adult it is hard to remember "now is ok to be whatever you are". My daughter is her own person and last night I told her the situation and she said mom you are fine. You did nothing wrong. You are not hard to get along with, I know you, you have done all you can to make her feel better not you. She has invented the problem and you need to ignore her. I told her thanks for that and I wished I was more like her. My daughter is so strong in herself, something I had no one to give me. But I am proud I gave that to her. She said, I could care less what others think of me, it isn't that important in the grand scheme of things. This will pass and I thought who is the wiser one here, certainly not me. LOL
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> My immediate thought is that this co-worker is triggering you because she reminds you of someone. Could that be true?Yes, but I am not sure, except maybe my mother. And then that makes all the sense the world. But it is not because she looks like her, she doesn't far from it. But the looks she gives people when she doesn't think they are looking, I have seen that look in people's eyes before and it is scary.
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> The whole environment sounds toxic for you right now. Maybe you're just not ready for this type of work situation yet, or maybe it's just not right for you at all. If you're not ready, that it puts you into overload, there's nothing wrong w/admitting that and seeking out something else. But I don't know if personally/financially, etc. you are in a position to do that now. If not, I'd explore what the co-worker is triggering. It isn't right that you're disassociating so much at work. You know your mind/body are telling you that there's something wrong (it's not you, but the situation) and if you have the option, maybe you should get out of there. Unless you feel you can work through it.First of all, it is not an ideal job, it is a paycheck. One I need to go back to school to get the job I want. So it is a means to an end. Things in our budget are stretched to the max so to go back to school, I need this job to help with that. So I feel no I can't quit. It doesn't pay that great but it will pay off the student loans. And then after I am done, it will be the right thing. i like working. I think I need to, I think I will maybe try to get another job once I am in school and have more contacts maybe. There was a job at the University but the hours were too long, I would have never had time to go to school too so I passed that one up. This job is part-time. 29 hours. Which is just right to also go to school.
> I know I sound kind of wishy-washy, but protect yourself first. If it means you have to keep the job, take the Xanax regularly and try to get to the root of the problem. If you're experiencing sensory overload that is more than you can handle, maybe you should get out of there. (I know how bad the economy is--I can't find work--so I hesitate suggesting that you quit a job if it's essential for you right now.)
I am trying the xanax. I think it might be best. Today was ok. Not great but better. I am trying to be better at protecting myself. Thanks for the reminder.
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> I'm glad you posted, that you trusted us enough to do so. You are a great support for all of us here, so let us help you.Now this is going to make me cry. A good one though to think I am a good support to you guys is thrilling. I try I do. I need to and I do trust you guys cuz you know what this is all about. Man, I am not sure where I would be without this support.
Thanks so much antigua,
it means so much.
rsk
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poster:rskontos
thread:879687
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090129/msgs/879930.html