Posted by antigua3 on December 31, 2008, at 11:15:21
In reply to Re: Well, I tried w/my pdoc » antigua3, posted by raisinb on December 31, 2008, at 9:43:26
It is hugely unnerving. I much prefer the more stand-offish, critical pdoc. I'm still angry at myself for caring, and petrified for his caring in return, but I can't turn back. Well, I could, and have thought about it in spades since I saw him last night (see what great defenses I have!).
I think, maybe he is going to have to provoke me. It won't be too difficult. Or I could bring up that ever present argument that we "don't" have a relationship. That really gets me going.
I want to crawl under a rock for a while. I've been so productive, cheery, whatever for the holidays and I don't want to be that way anymore. I want some peace!
I don't want this type of relationship. It feels entirely too unsafe, not to mention extremely one-sided. It's always been "my way" or the highway w/him, and to a certain extent that's still true, but the boundaries have been broadened just a bit. But there's such a risk there; I'm not sure I want to take it on.
As you can tell, things look a little differently to me this morning. I'm not sure it's worth it. I don't want to lance that abscess because it will hurt too much. Yes, I know it will be better in the long run, but oh, the price I will pay.
Sorry to be blue when you said such nice things to say. I appreciate it.
Happy New Year to you, too.
antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:871497
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081219/msgs/871624.html