Posted by lucie lu on November 24, 2008, at 16:23:18
In reply to My T, posted by Nadezda on November 23, 2008, at 17:04:57
Nadezda,
I too felt many of the same things as other posters have described in reaction to your post. It is very sad, seemingly an example, as Dinah suggested, of a once-happy "marriage" grown dysfunctional. As I was reading, the word "narcissist" floated through my mind too, with respect to your T, so I wasn't surprised when Llurpsie said the same thing. It does seem that he's lost touch with you as a patient, maybe confusing you with your case, which he has been working on for so long. Perhaps your therapy with him has taken some form of enactment, where he enacts the sadist and you the masochist; although here I am admittedly talking through my hat because I am hardly a qualified psych technician. But in all of these variants, the therapy seems to have become a lot more about him than it should be - and it should *all* be about you. I know I reacted to an earlier thread of yours, suggesting that you "dump him." I'm sorry to have been so insensitive, and I apologize for that. I have a tendency to react strongly when I feel people are being mistreated or hurt in some way. I do recognize the pain in ending such a relationship, the sense of loss especially if the relationship in the early days was good. But Nadezda, I really have to agree with the others that he should not be treating you this way. It really is abusive. You must recognize this on some level or you wouldn't be writing, again, about it and in similar terms as before. As you describe it (and even without an advanced psych degree), the relationship seems to have taken on a decidedly S/M character with him as the abuser and you as the bewildered, sad, hurt child trying to hang in there and just accept what is being done to you. Try to look at that dynamic and see if it really serves you well in any respect. I can't see how it could. I know from your posts that you are an intelligent, insightful, compassionate woman, you are not that child. And no, I don't think other people's Ts act this way (at least none that I know of that haven't been fired by the client); mine certainly doesn't. At the very least, you are paying your T very good money to do good things for you, not bad - to be your advocate and to help build you up, not denigrate you. Unless you are reaching new heights of personal success, which you don't seem to be, then his current approach, if you prefer to see it that way, simply isn't working.
This is no more than my 2 cents, but FWIW I do hate to see this happening, Nadezda. Again, I hope I am not being insensitive.
All the best,
Lucie
poster:lucie lu
thread:864899
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081120/msgs/865053.html