Posted by rskontos on November 19, 2008, at 11:30:37
In reply to Re: i want to have an affair (**Trigger**) » B2chica, posted by B2chica on November 19, 2008, at 9:17:15
B2c
I understand so much about your comments in your marriage. Men tend to have those issues. Mine H has often tried to run things "his" way. And for a while I let him. Now that I don't, things get shaky. But I say let them shake. I tell him more now about what I want.
I am so sorry that you feel unattractive to him. that is so wrong. It is also wrong of him to say that stuff about you needing therapy. Mine makes jokes about he will need therapy after I finish but underneath it I think some people are threatened that when someone close to them are getting help they think either 1. why can't I help them or 2. will they move away from me and 3. do I need help. All three can make them nervous and so they throw that "you need it not me" thing in your face. This really makes me mad. My H did it last night. What surprised him is I did not take it like I usually do. Well, ok I did get a little too heated but sometimes enough is enough. I really get upset when someone uses such information like that "therapy" to throw at someone to hurt them because it does.
You are going through alot. I am sorry for this.
Does he want to be the only one to inititate intimacy? It control that he seeks? Maybe he needs to explore those issues.
I think all men love the idea of Me man You woman, I in charge you do all the stuff I don't. It is hard to define partnership for so many. I think personally from my experience it is up to us to help them define it. I have worked on this for 20 years. But he is finally getting it.
I would find out how much counseling would cost. See if you can find it in a Church situation where they have a sliding scale. Then it usually isn't much.
What scares him about a boy?
rsk
poster:rskontos
thread:863752
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081104/msgs/863991.html