Posted by Dinah on November 18, 2008, at 12:39:36
In reply to i want to have an affair (**Trigger**), posted by B2chica on November 18, 2008, at 8:32:30
I don't think he can give you what you need. Not in terms of creating a new life. Not unless he is urging you to leave your husband and create a life with him while including the life you've already created.
It's tough, once you have kids, to balance those needs. It sounds as if your husband is terrified of having more kids rather than saying anything about you as a person. Believe me, I get it. As much as we adore our son, we were more than content with one, and after my son was born my husband also would not come anywhere near me without condoms, a vasectomy, and I still needed to be at the right time of the month not to be pregnant. It didn't mean anything about his love for or desire for me. It didn't mean he didn't adore our son, or that he wasn't enormously glad we had him. He just felt like that was all we could handle.
It would seem to me at a guess, and with my own experience as a guide, that the best thing to do would be to explore your husband's fears. What precisely scares him about having another baby? The money? The emotional resources? The time? Is he afraid that your family won't be able to give the nurturance and support two children would need? Is he worried about the change in dynamics? Is your marriage otherwise going ok? Are his fears reasonable? What can you offer to ease his fears?
My guess is that an affair won't actually fill your needs, except on a very short term basis.
poster:Dinah
thread:863752
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081104/msgs/863784.html