Posted by DAisym on November 6, 2008, at 15:53:49
In reply to Longings in therapy. CSA tigger, posted by seldomseen on November 6, 2008, at 5:13:56
I think I know what you mean by "responded sexually" but I still want to ask for clarification. What did he do or say - you obviously don't have to tell the details but it helps to get a sense of what was triggering - the topic, the ideas or the words chosen.
I read your post thinking "I could have written a lot of this today." Those longings that come up are strong and I'm still surprised at how incredibly painful it can be. I know for myself, it happens when either the world is too hard and I don't feel safe in it, or when I feel particularly close to him and being apart is filled with loneliness and fear. The fear is that I feel too close to him and he will sense it, step back or shut me out all together. As much as I know these are old fears, they still exist and flare up at times.
I've had many conversations with my therapist in which I've admitted to being afraid of him. The power he has "over" me is enormous and I sometimes don't trust myself to say "no" were he to demand something inappropriate in return for his time and caring. He always wants to know when these feelings are high and where (which part) they are coming from. It is interesting that we've identified that sometimes the body memories, which can be very strong, set up these fears - almost like I'm afraid he'll be turned on because I feel those feelings in my own body. Talk about transference!
I'm glad your therapist responded well and wasn't insulted. Of course we know they won't hurt us. But sometimes we still need to be reminded.
I hope you are feeling less shaky today.
poster:DAisym
thread:861075
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081104/msgs/861146.html