Posted by Trotter on November 2, 2008, at 14:11:46
In reply to Re: Desire versus Acceptance, posted by Daisym on November 1, 2008, at 17:22:49
Hi Daisym,
Great post!
> I'd like to throw in here that I think happiness and acceptance go well together - though neither are static states - and that Joy and Desire go well together. When you "get" what you have desired, there is a surge of joy that is beyond happiness. It doesn't last as we then begin to desire the next thing - it is human nature.
I tend to go along with you here. I relate happiness as more in tune with contentment than the pleasureable states created through desire, excitement, positive anticipation, flow, sexual passion etc, although these states certainly involve positive feelings.
Although I agree with you that joy is more commonly experienced when in an excited state, I think maybe you underestimate the potential for joy through contentment. Picture yourself relaxing in a comfortable chair on a porch or balcony, your favorite drink in hand, after a productive day, your children are happily playing in the background, you feel that you are an okay person and that life is good. Can you imagine joy arising from this state of contentment?
>
> I wrestle with a different question around this: Is it better to strive for happiness or "not being unhappy." They are very different states - and I think "not being unhappy" is close to the acceptance you speak of. I think achieving peace within myself might lead to not being unhappy. And yet, I think I was just born to be one of those people who says, "hey, wait a minute. If I do this, then that gets better. So I don't have to accept that as a reality. I can use myself as an agent of change." Which often leads to huge disappointment but great joys as well.I'm certainly wrestling with these issues. There are, however, other sources of happiness than desire. Love/connection is a big one. Helping others works for some people. Having a spiritual dimension. Optimism about the future helps. One can add these to contentment to increase one's level of happiness without needing to engage desire.
Desire and the pursuit of the object of one's desire can come from a dominant feeling of lack. This creates an edgy sort of desire, a sense that one 'needs' to do something for things to be okay. People who operate this way throughout life may become very successful, but remain miserable (like me). If they stop striving to achieve things for too long the lack of contentment causes unhappiness, so they have to find something else to chase.
> Do you talk about this in therapy? (anyone?) It is a great existential topic.
I do discuss it with my therapist.
Trotter
poster:Trotter
thread:860124
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081018/msgs/860414.html