Posted by Nadezda on November 1, 2008, at 9:10:21
In reply to Is this an example of a dual relationship?, posted by JayMac on October 31, 2008, at 19:14:44
Hi, JayMac.
I don't think it's become at dual relationship if you're asking questions of your T, or experiencing her as a teacher and yourself as a student, during the time you work with her. Ts often figure as many different people in our lives, during a therapy relationship.--your can feel as if she's a mother, father, or any other person of importance to you.
If you actually took a class, where she were your teacher, for example,, that would turn the relationship into a dual one. Sometimes, this is inevitable, if someone is studying psychology or analysis, and also having a personal analysis (more than a teaching analysis-- if there's a difference, which I guess there) with a senior analyst at an analytic institute-- to take a common example. Other times, it's something that evolves more out of a desire to be close to your analyst or T,-- so that you took psychology classes, or even majored in psychology mostly to be closer and more connected to him/her. That, obviously, could be a problem, if you began to subvert your own interests and talents to foster the (perceived) greater closeness.
Perhaps what you're questioning is whether you're using this interest to mask other, perhaps less positive emotions, or to avoid having to confront your feelings. Sometimes idealization covers up competitiveness or even more negative feelings-- or is a way of trying to construct a special relationship, either as a way of creating trust, or of avoiding the sense of lack of trust. Or, it could be a result of having a hard time seeing people as both good and bad-- and separating the good from the bad, so as to experience people in a whole and unconflicted way. So there are lots of where your interest in your T's area of professional expertise and your curiosity could indicate some issue that's behind it-- or they could be perfectly fine, and signs of what they seem to be-- interest in an interesting subject.
If you feel you're getting distracted by your desire to learn more about her field-- I can really understand that. It feels as if maybe it's taken on a life of its own and isn't really enough about you and what's pressing now. And the excitement you feel at times might disturb you-- it might seem somehow out of place, as if you're going off on a tangent-- or losing touch with her-- as the two of you talk more about concepts and ignore the intense emotions that are stirred up. If she's gotten out of kilter with you, I feel confident that she'll know how to right the relationship and steer it back to more solid ground. The two of u ou'll handle this, though-- especially because, you seem very self=aware and committed to the process-- and are already aware of this potential pitfall. It's not bad in itself-- but is a matter of degree and context.
I'm not sure why you suddenly wanted to tear your T down. How did that come out of your first emotions? did you connect it to anything in the appointment, or the relationship, that's happened recently? Has she responded?
I hope you're feeling better.
Nadezda
poster:Nadezda
thread:860125
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081018/msgs/860171.html