Posted by Dinah on October 24, 2008, at 16:50:37
In reply to expecting T to be perfect, posted by Angela2 on October 23, 2008, at 17:21:49
Yeah. I remember being disappointed all the time that my therapist didn't have all the answers. Sometimes he didn't have many at all.
Nor could he make me feel better, or make me better.
It's a bit disappointing. I'd at least like him to *pretend* to be all knowing or to have tremendous assurance of what path I should take. But he stubbornly refuses.
In the end I think it worked out for me ok. I was forced to determine what I wanted from therapy. What I wanted to accomplish. And it was up to me to propose it and sometimes it was up to me to follow up on it. Which would appear on the surface to be sort of s*cky. But when you think about it, isn't that the whole point of therapy? To learn what we want? To learn to convey our desires to others? To set out plans and follow through?
I agree with Lucie, that's a good overall goal, but you need to break it into smaller short term goals. And some mid term goals. The bigger goals are sometimes accomplished without your even realizing it. One day you turn around and find that because you've accomplished so many short term and specific goals, you suddenly feel able to do those things you want to do instead of avoiding them.
I have this theory about therapists. Most of them have great opening sessions that apply to large numbers of potential clients. With some, that first session uses up all their good material. Others have a longer period of time full of material that they can pull out and that applies to everyone with a given presenting problem. During that period of time (one session or many) they appear to be self assured, and know a whole heck of a lot.
But eventually even the most experienced therapist runs out of their global knowledge that can apply to all clients. At that point they have to start mining what they've learned from a client. They have to be, not global experts, but experts on *that client*. At that point, they're bound to appear less competent because however insightful they are, they're on your ground. Who knows you better than you? They're going to say things that are just plain wrong. They're going to be confused and at a loss.
At that point, the period of time when the therapist is all knowing and the client can rely on them as the professional with all the answers ends, to some extent. The client has to step to the plate and start taking some control and some responsibility. It becomes a collaboration, and sometimes it might feel like the blind leading the blind.
It's at that point that the really good therapists are weeded out from the therapists with the really good canned patter. Not because they are perfect or know everything, but because they can admit that they don't know everything. Because they can be willing to learn and to travel with the client on wherever the journey takes them. They're partly leader, partly wind beneath the wings - allowing you to set the course while acting as stabilization and support.
I'll bet you know more than you think about what you need, what you would like, and how to set short term goals to get you where you want to be. Why don't you try to talk about these things with her and see if, even though she's far from perfect, she can still be perfect for you.
poster:Dinah
thread:858996
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081018/msgs/859128.html