Posted by wishingstar on October 22, 2008, at 16:57:08
In reply to therapy making me doubt myself, posted by wishingstar on October 21, 2008, at 17:33:54
Thanks antigua and caraher for responding...
Using the example relating to pdoc was a bad choice. The situation is so much more complicated than I described and I have NO doubt that leaving her was a good (or at least justified choice). There have been many, many errors on her part, some pretty significant (like incorrectly prescribing a drug)... and the intellectual side of me knows leaving was perfectly justified. I believe that just about any average person would agree. I wouldnt have quit just over the note in my file.. but it was just the icing on the cake, so to speak. Anyway.....
I saw T today. I dont believe I'm going back. She told me basically that she does believe the diagnosis fits to some degree. I disagreed so she pulled out the DSM and we went through the criteria, and she herself said that actually, I probably dont even meet any one of the criteria anymore, let alone the diagnosis. Being called personality disordered is very hurtful to me and I dont think it's a label to throw around lightly, and I said so. She said the reason she feels I have traits of it now are because I dont have a lot of friends. I kid you not. Since when is being somewhat isolated (I admit that) and to myself qualify as borderline pd? I didnt feel heard at all.
It's not the label that really is hurtful. It's the meaning behind it for me. It's the lack of validation and understanding I'm getting from T, no matter how hard I try. It's the fact that she told me how I'm doing so well I could probably quit therapy, and I'm not even being really self destructive anymore, except for the "minor restricting" (eating) as she said. I wont post my weight, but my logical brain KNOWS I'm underweight and still losing weight... yeah, I'm great. And invisible, or so it seems.
I'm done with therapy. I've been told I'm too honest in therapy. I try to do everything I'm told and I'm still wrong, just for a different reason. I cant win. Therapy is destroying my self esteem and self confidence. I'm just done. I told her I might not come back, and she asked me if I wanted to reschedule or not... I said that if I had the option, I'd choose no, so I told her not to give me the choice. I'm TRYING to be honest and open and do the right things (keep going to therapy, etc) but damn, I give up. This is NOT worth it and I really believe it's not helpful or positive, even in the long run, in any way at this point.
poster:wishingstar
thread:858628
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081018/msgs/858771.html