Posted by twinleaf on October 19, 2008, at 15:58:16
In reply to Want to know more about ruptures, posted by lucie lu on October 19, 2008, at 13:33:12
My analyst has been very much the leader and teacher in this area; He often asks "what?" if he notices me changing my facial expression, looking away or shifting in the chair. When he asks, he's directing my attention inwards, and giving me permission to explore what is happening. I become aware of feeling just slightly angry, or slightly lonely, or another negative feeling. The reason is almost always the same: he has said something, or used body language in a way that I feel slightly misunderstood or ever so slightly criticised, or I am suddenly worrying that he doesn't like me as much as I would like him to, or I feel his attention has shifted away from me for a moment.
In the beginning, he let me know that he welcomed my noticing these slight ruptures. As soon as I would speak about one, he would say, for example, "I;m glad you told me that you need more responsiveness from me right now"- and then he would provide it. He took these tiny matters very seriously, and in that way taught me to take them seriously also. He seemed to think that it was very reasonable for me to mention even the slightest feeling of rejection, so that he could meet my needs better right in that moment. This was a wonderful new experience for me- and still is. The basic message is, "every little momentary feeling you have is important. I want to know, because I want your experience here with me to be as happy, connected and meaningful as possible. This is one place where you don't have to push those lonely feelings away. When you tell me about them, we can find a way to move beyond them."
I think the skill he has in doing this is a big part of why things have gone so well for me .As a way to start with your therapist, you could have a discussion about where these ruptures and repairs might fit into your therapist's sense of what is most helpful and important in your therapy. The literature today is full of articles about the importance of this kind of interpersonal work, so it would be hard to find a therapist who didn't know something about it. I hope you both find a good way to include this particular way of doing therapy on a regular basis.
poster:twinleaf
thread:858244
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081018/msgs/858276.html