Posted by antigua3 on October 16, 2008, at 11:29:55
In reply to Re: Good Enough Mother--Dinah and others » antigua3, posted by Dinah on October 10, 2008, at 17:54:55
I have been thinking about your post a lot and wanted to be sure of what I had to say before I posted.
For the most part, you probably are right, that within certain definitions my mother may not appear to have been a good enough mother to me.
But, to me, she was and continues to be. She loves me intensely in the right ways, is always supportive and makes a concentrated effort to be involved in my life (she lives far away). On the downside, I'd say she takes my "downs" too personally so it is hard to be real w/her all the time.
I've always loved her and have found peace in my relationship w/her. I told her about what my father did to me as a child and while we don't necessarily "discuss it" (she doesn't know details), we certainly haven't avoided the subject. She has been very supportive.
That said, she was pretty much self-absorbed while I was a child and had many of her own issues to deal with. She gave me the bonding I needed to become a good mother to my own children and I'll always be grateful for that. My T says I couldn't be the type of mother I am if I hadn't received that from her, and I believe her.
My mother wasn't evil; my father was.
So, I believe she was "good enough" given the circumstances. We can't control the circumstances we grow up in.
Thanks for making me think about this,
antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:856732
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/857729.html