Posted by Dinah on October 3, 2008, at 13:02:01
In reply to Re: My apologies to all, posted by seldomseen on October 2, 2008, at 6:15:17
About how tempted I am to act out physically with self harm to let him know how I feel because I communicate better that way. And how I wasn't going to do that, because now he's real to me and I know he actually cares. I'm almost positive he stifled a laugh at that. But he really tried to listen and express his understanding of what I'm feeling.
He did agree that I'm not too good at communicating it to him. That I tend to minimize or intellectualize it. Or laugh as I talk to him about it. But telling him that I needed him to understand was enough for him to understand. And since all I really needed was for him to acknowledge it, that was enough.
He'd been annoying me by playing twenty questions with me. When did this start, what exactly did it feel like, what am I thinking. Or reminding me of how quickly these feelings pass for me. How soon I'll have "forgotten" or avoided again. It just pushes me back to minimizing and intellectualizing, and encourages me to not communicate how I actually feel right now.
We also talked about my perception that I now needed to protect him from my bad feelings because I now actually believed he did care. Or how I was afraid he'd have to take a step back to detachment in order to really hear me. And I didn't want that, and would be likely to minimize just to keep the dynamic the same.
I think it is getting a bit better, actually. It's coming and going now, instead of just staying. If things can just be calm for a bit so I can regain equilibrium.
poster:Dinah
thread:855074
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080920/msgs/855523.html