Posted by turtle on October 1, 2008, at 21:51:55
In reply to Re: attachment, posted by onceupon on September 29, 2008, at 13:27:42
> I've read some of the theory too and when I see descriptions of "secure" attachments, I think of feeling as if the person that one attaches to feels like a safe space. I watch my son and believe (hope) that he feels securely attached to me because he is comfortable going away from me, but likes to know where I am, so he knows that he can come back too.
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> People also write about being able to hold a caring picture of someone else in your mind as indicative of attachment. Or maybe it's just about feeling accepted or knowing that you feel less anxious (at least most of the time) in this person's presence. Can you tell I'm not sure myself about the answer to this!
OnceuponI have a young child too. I've done the same thing - read attachment theories and checked out her behavior to make sure it was all going ok. Yep, securely attached! I feel a bit of pride that she is thriving. With all of my issues that come up, she is my one exception. She's my little moon, bound by gravity and love.
I read somewhere that it makes sense that a person's issues can begin to surface when they have a child and I so understand that. In seeing where she feels secure and loved and beautifully strong willed, it highlights where my own life took a different path and areas that I need to heal. Do you ever feel that?
Before my daughter, I was mostly numb and just accepted things as they were. Somehow, in letting her in, it feels a little like I'm waking up. Now, I look at my daughter and all of the "good stuff" that just naturally flows through her, and then look at the lack and damage in my own life and know I have a lot of work to do.
I love how my daughter just comes up to me and says "I need you!" Or when I tell her she is being cute she says "yes, I am!" She knows these things in her soul. Giving these things to her is the easy part. Acknowledging that I have the same needs and in turn allowing another adult to reach into these needs and be there for *me* feels like a completely different ball game. I like how you framed it - the therapist is just using the best tool available, herself. Maybe I can begin to allow it if I try to think of it as a relationship "coach" showing me by example.
Thanks,
Turtle
poster:turtle
thread:854628
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080920/msgs/855204.html