Posted by turtle on October 1, 2008, at 21:41:44
In reply to Re: attachment » turtle, posted by JayMac on September 28, 2008, at 18:15:38
> Let me share something with you, I just realized this yesterday: There is a difference between being open with someone and being attached/connected to someone. Being open with someone does not guarantee an attachment/a connection. I entered therapy thinking that if I just told her most everything on my mind, that I would become closer to her, but really and truly, that's not how the process works. The attachment/connection is emotional. For example, do you ever find yourself liking someone, being drawn towards someone for no obvious reason? I think it's kind of like that. Developing *that* sort of feeling is sooooo incredibly special that it takes a long, long time.
>
JayMacI think that you maybe be on the right track here. I'm not sure I'd discount the role that being open and saying most of what is on your mind plays in this though. You've taken tremendous risks to tell her about some painful feelings, and this gave her a chance to react in ways that strengthened your bond. It sounds like your efforts to honestly show as much of yourself as you can and to connect on a personal level have had a positive effect on your connection.
You are right though, being open in itself is not enough. The whole thing involves some mysterious mix of her qualities that allowed you to feel safe enough to share, your vulnerability and honesty, her responses, your receptiveness, and your emotions.
Thanks,
Turtle
poster:turtle
thread:854628
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080920/msgs/855197.html