Posted by Wittgensteinz on September 17, 2008, at 9:19:49
In reply to T Touching Himself, posted by sassyfrancesca on September 17, 2008, at 8:17:49
Sassy,
I can understand your reaction - when I was at university my first year tutor would rub his thighs with his hands and fidget with his hands in his pockets - I had either one-on-one tutorials with him or along with another female student - that was awkward enough and I didn't have any feelings toward him - after a while I joked about it with the other student and we soon had great difficulty not cracking up during the tutorials. It was odd as this man was not creepy or perverse in any other way as far as I could see. Perhaps just a bad habit.
As for you and your T, I can't imagine how awkward that must have felt - especially given the history and the nature of the situation. Did he offer an explanation for his behaviour? Did he just keep on doing it after you reacted? Was it something unconscious do you think or something calculated? Has he done anything like this before? If he's always fidgeting or moving about in his seat, then maybe it wasn't meant in the way you feel it was. Is this a switch from verbal suggestion to gestural suggestion? Or was it something simple - that he had an itch, was uncomfortable or cold and was inadvertently smoothing his legs.
I think it can be that a person touching their body in a certain way in the presence of another is a provocative act to get a physical response - but this is just one possibility - we touch ourselves for many reasons - for example, holding our fingers to our mouths when feeing anxious or uncertain, fiddling with ones hair or clothes when nervous... or suggestive stroking. It's a pity you couldn't have another T to help you analyse your current T's behaviour.
If I were you, I'd be scared where this could lead - what it will open up. That said, there's blatantly a huge elephant in the room that needs to be tackled sooner or later - would his actions here be a good way to start? Is it possible to have a blunt and honest conversation about all that's going on in the room but isn't being spoken?
That fact he asked if it was 'disrespectful' is interesting - why would you ask that if you were just inadvertantly scratching your leg - it does make it sound like he was doing something more calculated/conscious. (Hmm.. then again, that could be a T's response if a client caught him yawning...).
Witti
poster:Wittgensteinz
thread:852422
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/852428.html