Posted by Nadezda on September 11, 2008, at 9:33:51
In reply to Mixed feelings, But.., posted by Cal on September 11, 2008, at 5:30:58
I think of it this way: we all get tired of the routine and stressful aspects of work, for example, getting up every morning at a certain time-- no matter whether we're tired or not, no matter what mood we're in, or what we want to do that day. This can become wearing-- people have TGIF parties, and dream about getting away, playing hooky. Ts really can't even take that sick day easily-- they have a special obligation to show up-.
Plus there's the emotional toll of caring and responding in their best way to people who are struggling a lot. It's a tough, emotionally risky job--always, I think, you must be concerned about whether you've done or said the right, most helpful things or caused extra pain-- and they take it home-- they know we think about them, worry about them, are struggling between appointments.
So this is how I see it:: they're pretty exhausted emotionally, physically, And really need--and can't help welcoming-- a break== and like the rest of us, when the break is over, and they come back to work, they have fears, resistance to reentering the struggle, buckling down to the routine.
We all say they're human beings-- but part of that is having mixed feelings-- about pretty much everything actually-- but especially about work, and the sacrifices of pleasures, and the continual pressure that it exerts. Despite the great meaning and value that it represents.
That doesn't take away from our Ts caring for us, in the moment-- their wanting to be there. It's just that overall, thinking about "being back at work"-- they have that little part of them that wants to have a little more time at the beach.
I know it feels unfair and unequal. I think it's something we have to accept-- but not take as meaning anything about how much they care about us. After some time, I don't mind the vacations in the way I used to-- I feel more connected to my T even when he's away, and actually I rather enjoy not having to schlep over to his office so much. (Don't tell him that.)
I do think sometimes they just don't get it-- when we ask them those questions. We're asking-- "do you want to leave me?"; "are you glad to be here with me?"-- and they think we're asking : "so-- are you looking forward to having a month to play at the beach?" Which we're really not.
It takes a while to digest this I think-- but when you do, when you're more back in touch with your Ts caring, I think you'll be much more okay with her answer-- and be able to put it into context. Give it time. She just got back and the sense of absence and disconnection is pretty raw.
Nadezda
poster:Nadezda
thread:851450
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/851469.html