Posted by lucie lu on September 10, 2008, at 13:55:51
In reply to Re: overfunctioning in relationships » wishingstar, posted by raisinb on September 10, 2008, at 13:09:50
Hi WishingStar,Yours is such a poignant post. It is so hard, so very painful when the road is unclear and the future so uncertain. And there is a lot at stake with someone you care so much about. Untimately, it's true that you must go with your heart. The problem is, for many of us, we don't know how to moderate that, how to balance the needs of others with our own.
I know several people, including myself, who have been in similar relationships in the past. We were all friends, in a support group, and talked about it a lot among ourselves. We believed that it's really important to let your partner go, to work on his own issues if he's ready and willing to do so. Not meaning to cut him loose or ignore his requests for help, but to give him plenty of space and the freedom he needs to grow on his own. At the same time, it is equally important for you to go on, to continue your own growth and enriching your own life as he works on his. Because, honestly? When he's done, there's no guarantee that your paths will converge smoothly again. (Yes, a couple of the men we knew were able to go into committed relationships - with other women.) And in the best case, if he decides that you are the one he wants to be in a committed relationship with, the time you spent growing during that period will benefit you both.
Does this make any sense? Our group was from a number of years ago but I'm not sure things have changed that much.
I hope all turns out well for you.
Best,
Lucie
poster:lucie lu
thread:851251
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/851354.html