Posted by Daisym on September 9, 2008, at 23:16:53
In reply to overfunctioning in relationships, posted by wishingstar on September 9, 2008, at 22:09:04
You really can't fix another person - I know you know that. What I didn't hear in your post was what you want to do...you said you love him, but do you want to hold his hand while he finds his feelings? I do not think you can be, nor should you be, his "home" therapist. Remember from your own therapy how much you would have liked to have a therapist waiting at home for you, to put their arms around you and comfort you from all the bad stuff that therapy brought up. And talk and talk and talk about it. As you pointed out, this isn't healthy, for you. Your relationship will turn into something it can't recover from. You will begin to resent him and he will be shocked when you finally demand your turn. I know, I've been there.
Leaving someone when they are already down is very, very hard. But you need to really think about what you want and what your terms are. Is the fact that he cares about you enough? Perhaps you need a break but not forever?
I'm sorry it is so painful. Loving someone is a risk that doesn't always work out. I hope this eventually does for you.
poster:Daisym
thread:851251
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/851263.html