Posted by susan47 on September 1, 2008, at 13:58:01
In reply to Re: The Need to Reveal What Happened, posted by susan47 on September 1, 2008, at 13:54:03
> There is no point in going any further in any of this if I do not say what I did to my own shame and embarrassment, two days ago.. two days ago I believe it is now, that I phoned from a local grocery store, I used the telephone there and I phoned my ex-T's office, and I said to his answering machine, I said, something to the effect that Nadezda had it right, and he doesn't even clean up after himself, and he is a Prick. Then I was empty, I was Spilled, I had nothing left and I hung up. (Sorry, this is going very deep, my mind is exposing itself, I am in Raw Truth) ... And I phoned again and I said something like this .. I AM going public with this ... and I don't remember if I said anything else, but then the urge to confess the horrible thing I just did....
...by phoning my ex-therapist's answering machine....
....to my ex-SO,...
significant other,.... who is a wonderful person, kind and caring and understanding but still, we all have our limits ....
....what if he said "Susan, you are a terrible, stupid person for phoning your ex-T, what if he calls the police, what if he sets out a Peace Bond on you, what if he embarrasses you and humiliates you publicly to everyone you ever knew ....
...and what if he did?
... how could I feel so much rage, so much anger towards this man who is after all, only a human,....
....I am talking about my ex-therapist here, a man who needed admiration and adoration, to some extent he needed to feel more deeply as well, and I was also used.....
.... and I too, only that, and a very very flawed version.
> F*ck me.
> I have to have a reason to live.
> Please, God, give me a reason to be.
> Here, now.
> Now.
> Give me a reason to live, or have me die.
poster:susan47
thread:848765
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080826/msgs/849736.html