Posted by susan47 on September 1, 2008, at 13:54:03
In reply to The Need to Reveal What Happened, posted by susan47 on August 28, 2008, at 12:08:49
There is no point in going any further in any of this if I do not say what I did to my own shame and embarrassment, two days ago.. two days ago I believe it is now, that I phoned from a local grocery store, I used the telephone there and I phoned my ex-T's office, and I said to his answering machine, I said, something to the effect that Nadezda had it right, and he doesn't even clean up after himself, and he is a Prick. Then I was empty, I was Spilled, I had nothing left and I hung up. (Sorry, this is going very deep, my mind is exposing itself, I am in Raw Truth) ... And I phoned again and I said something like this .. I AM going public with this ... and I don't remember if I said anything else, but then the urge to confess the horrible thing I just did to my ex-SO, who is a wonderful person, kind and caring and understanding but still, we all have our limits ... how could I feel so much rage, so much anger towards this man who is after all, only a human, and I too, only that, and a very very flawed version.
F*ck me.
I have to have a reason to live.
Please, God, give me a reason to be.
Here, now.
Now.
Give me a reason to live, or have me die.
poster:susan47
thread:848765
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080826/msgs/849734.html