Posted by Dinah on July 24, 2008, at 20:30:03
In reply to I Love My T.....I Hate My T/Twisted in Knots, posted by sassyfrancesca on July 24, 2008, at 8:13:38
It seems like in some ways he is holding boundaries. They may not be in the same place as the textbooks might describe. But he's been pretty consistent in telling you that he's not going to act on any feelings he might have. Maybe because he's married. Maybe because his career would be on the line. Maybe both.
If it were me, I wouldn't hold too much hope for him breaking the boundaries he has set. If anything, it sounds like he's tightening up. For example, by not allowing hugs now.
Your experience with him is long enough to have a good idea how it will go in the future. If his life circumstances don't change, he's not going to go any further than he's already gone.
If you are finding that the benefits of your current relationship with him is worth the cost, then it makes sense to stay with him. But it sounds to me like he's signaling loud and clear that this is it. If he's seductive or flirtatious now, he may well continue to be. But he's not going to cross the line from seduction to fulfillment. He's not going to include you in his real life. He's said if he weren't married (and likely if he weren't likely to lose his license) he might go for it. But he is married. So he won't.
It may not be ideal boundaries. But it is boundaries.
Is where the boundaries are right now sufficient to be worth the expense and emotional investment?
poster:Dinah
thread:841755
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080709/msgs/841861.html