Posted by backseatdriver on July 24, 2008, at 10:41:31
In reply to I Love My T.....I Hate My T/Twisted in Knots, posted by sassyfrancesca on July 24, 2008, at 8:13:38
Hi Sassy -
Just a quick note to say, what a terrible situation.
If it is any consolation, I doubt his home life is all that cozy.
His wife probably does her best with him, or at least has tried to, and nothing's ever been good enough, and she probably thinks this is her fault. On some level, I bet he likes to keep her off-balance. It makes him feel more secure himself.
He's keeping you off-balance too. I wonder what would happen if you went to your next session and did something to demonstrate your autonomy. Not in an angry way -- that would just be homage -- but in a loving way that is resigned to your limits and his.
You wouldn't necessarily have to believe this -- just try on the role.
If he comes back at you with an undermining remark, then you have confirmation that he's doing things to keep you in this difficult dependent state. That isn't just you. That, for his own reasons, he needs you to be dependent and that he needs to be in control of your growth because he knows that if you grow, you might also grow *away* from him.
Yours,
BSDPS. If he thinks his hugs are sexual, AND he reserves them only for little old ladies and kids... well, I don't know about that. ;)
poster:backseatdriver
thread:841755
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080709/msgs/841765.html