Posted by LadyBug on May 27, 2008, at 21:41:41
I think I'm grieving. I saw my T. I told her how I feel and told her I didn't know if I would come back in Sept. when my insurance kicks in again. She said when I left "take good care of yourself". As I was going to get on the freeway I rolled down the windows in my car and through the wind I said good bye to 11 plus years of my life. I let it blow through my hair and right out the window. I left her in the back of my mind and let her blow away.
That's all I can say for tonight. I don't know how to feel. I told her I was 99% sure I wouldn't be back in Sept and I'd spend the rest of my life wondering what the hell happened to us. I told her how much she meant to me and how strong I felt our connection was at some points and that before I wished when I walked out the door I could feel connected to her again like it's been. I told her I could feel a lot of negativity in the room coming from both of us. She didn't deny it, but she agreed. I told her that when she told me she showed me too much sympathy with my daughters pregnancy and adoption of the baby, I pulled in and put up a wall between us and that I didn't know if I could ever let that wall down to work with her again.
Oh, how I have regrets and it hurts. She meant the world to me. It's just another loss, first my marriage, then I mentally lost both my parents, the adoption of my first grandchild, and now her. That's a lot of loss to suffer in a 8 or 9 month time frame. The people I loved with all my heart are gone from my life.
Sad and Lonely LadyBug
poster:LadyBug
thread:831520
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080524/msgs/831520.html