Posted by Amanda29 on April 26, 2008, at 15:07:03
In reply to Re: Therapist is Testing me » Amanda29, posted by Dinah on April 26, 2008, at 10:31:11
My therapist has told me in the past that there is nothing I could do or say that would make him like/love me less...(he only said this because one of the things I lack in my life is love from my parents and so he was trying to show me unconditional love even though he is nothing more than just my psychologist.
He wants to teach me autonomy because I guess because I depend too much on others and he wants me to learn to depend on myself more instead of others. I dont know..that is the only reason I can think of.
My therapist has been going though a bad divorce and so I sometimes think that all of that gets in the way of therapy alhtough he is really good at keeping it from getting in the way.
His daughter however comes every thursday to his office because that is when he gets custody of her for the weekend...and I find myself jealous of that because she gets to talk to him all the time...(she is six)...and also the fact that she is going to grow up with such a better upbringing than what I had...and that makes me sad.
I shouldnt be jealous of anybody..especially a six year old child...but I am. I told him that too over email and yet ofcourse he hasnt responded ...so I dont know what he is thinking about that.
I have noticied that we have these falling outs with one other at least once a year...and after it is over we are fine...so I think this is just one of those times...but it stinks because I really need him in my life this time to help me and he has put up a boundary that prevents him from helping me and I am hurt.
My previous therapist had limits on the amount of time that was spent on the phone...she would talk no longer than 2 minutes on the phone. I dont call my therapist now unless it is a dire emergency. He did give me his cell phone and email so I do have ways to get ahold of him..but his preferred way is in his office once a week for an hour. I am scared to think what he would do if I emailed him out of an emergency...(like if one of my family members died or soemthing like that...) would he get the message and if so would he call me or email me back? In the past he would have but now I am not so sure. He never put a block on my emails or told me how many he would accept ...and he still hasnt ..I know he is reading them...Im fine with him not replying...but what I want from him is an explanation for the change that he has created. Even if I dont like the reason for the change...I at least would like to hear one...you know?
Anyway. I could talk for hours about him. I just feel like he is abandoned me and that he doesnt care..and that he hates me...(I always think that when people have wanted to stop talking to me completely...(which unfortunatly has happened more than once)...I cannot have him hating me...or abandoning me...and I just don't know what to think about all of this...I am going to be a wreck come thursday.
This is why I got back on psychobabble because Everytime I am about to loose it...I get on this thing and people are so nice to me...it will keep me from losing my mind completely...btu what I really need is knowing that he is hearing me and that he still cares for me.
poster:Amanda29
thread:825498
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080423/msgs/825595.html