Posted by B2chica on April 24, 2008, at 12:00:47
In reply to Re: somebody engage me...**S. TRIGGER** » B2chica, posted by ClearSkies on April 24, 2008, at 11:31:13
i agree. stopping for someone else just doensn';t cut it, and i'm worried about the line of my DD thinking its her duty to keep me afloat. and that is just so incredibly wrong it angers me.
i'm kinda suprised i'm talking as much as i am. maybe for different reasons. but i've always trusted this place. i guess i have nothing to loose by saying the truth here, right.
my meds as always work for a little while then don't. but because i now have to care for someone else i just can't play around with trying a new drug every other month. and my choices are getting slimmer and slimmer.
i met with my pdoc two weeks ago. i was up but somehow even ended up breaking down bawling in his office. "we" decided to "wait it out" till "next visit", i did manage to request a quicker visit instead of 6 weeks i wanted 4. but his schedule is so packed i ended up with 5 weeks. so three more weeks to go, ha.
i met with T yesterday. i almost didnt even feel like talking i mean whats the point right. but i did. i told her everything that had been going on the last two horrible weeks. and she didn't want to let me leave cuz she felt like i was holding something back. so i gently told her how i was feeling. not bluntly like i told you here. i also didn't mention the time frame. there's no need to scare or burden her. she's upset enough. she was terribly sick last week and had to cancel (missing second week with me)and i think a part of her worried that, that is what was upsetting me. i told her even before i spilled all the rest that though it may have effeted my emotional phone call to her and a later email, it wasn't why i was in the place i was now, and for crying out loud if your sick your sick. and she was TERRIBLY sick (she explained to me, which she didn't need to but i thought was really thoughtful).
talking to a T about death just seems to useless sometimes. my last T we used to talk about jung and death and sometimes that helped me. but you just can't do that with everyone ya know.
my pdoc isn't aware and quite frankly i don't think he cares. he has a million and one patients. i can never talk with him. i wish i could but i can't.
and whats weird is the more i think seriously about it, like (not details) but that it's going to happen the better i feel.
poster:B2chica
thread:824788
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080423/msgs/825164.html