Posted by rskontos on April 22, 2008, at 10:47:40
In reply to a sleepy T..., posted by twinleaf on April 22, 2008, at 9:45:48
Twinleaf, I think you have gotten it very right in all you said. I will clarify one point, the decrease, is my doing. In all of this, when I was expressing my self about being a point of feeling like I was on the fence to go deeper or not, he asked if I wanted more sessions. I told him last time, when he asked if I wanted more I was thinking less, now maybe I did this to see his reaction. I guess you are right, I am feeling the waters to see if I go deeper. Sometimes I feel as I am a dissappointment as a patient. I can't say why. I can't say that I don't do this just because I am retreating either. Or feel like I want to retreat. I really thought I was ready to face my demons but in doing the little I have done I scared myself. Last night or rather early this morning I had another flashback. It is really annoying that I don't recognize the people in them just that I am terrified of them. I guess I feel that he has been helpful in the general makeup of therapy yet I told him the other day I feel lonely in therapy. He asked me to explain that but I had a hard time. I still can't really explain it. He understands me but only to a point. I get animated in therapy but I have told him that is a shield and it doesn't need to be in therapy. Yet he asks questions in a way that brings that out. I am powerless sometimes to stop it. I will eventually bring the conversation back around but too much time will have lapsed and I will not get around to all I wanted to. Now the discussion will be nice and light but not pertinent to what I really wanted to discuss. Does this make sense.
I will have to think about why I feel I am pretending. I could just air that I think I am pretending to end it faster and not get to the root of the issue.
I guess when he said he would cut me back I really wanted more of a progress report from him. It is interesting to me that my inners who from time to time come out so strong with him are taking a hiatus right now. I don't feel any safer with him so I don't understand that right now.
You are right I am at a point of facing some things or keeping them buried. I am just not sure what to do.
Someone else said they preferred talking to a psychologist versus a p-doc. Now he does sometimes seem very clinical yet at other times he doesnt.
Can you hear my confusion over this. I don't think I am making as much sense as you. I am going to print everyone's responses and take them with me to discuss these issues.
But you are right. When I bring up the sleepiness I will say that is brings the attention away from me.
Thanks for your vote of confidence I can bond that goes a long way. I need to hear it from others since I can't hear myself say it.:)
I guess I have more thinking to do.
rsk
poster:rskontos
thread:824636
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080405/msgs/824779.html