Posted by raisinb on April 21, 2008, at 20:41:54
So, my therapist occasionally has dreams about me and tells me about them. Today she told me a particularly vivid one that I'm not sure how to feel about.
On Saturday, she was supposed to call me because I've been very depressed and I struggle particularly on the weekends. Our phone call got interrupted and she had to call me back. She explained that her toddler-aged son just wouldn't go to sleep, that she'd been trying with books and everything else all afternoon, but that he kept getting up. This was tough for me to hear. Although she was there and available, I felt like I was intruding into her real life, that I was another burden, and so I couldn't talk and told her I needed to go. Before we hung up she said she had something to say--that she knew we struggled with our relationship, but that when we did connect, it was "very powerful" for her and that she enjoyed it very much. This made me feel better, even though the phone call hadn't worked out.
Today, she told me she had a dream about me Saturday night. She and I were in the mall shopping, and we chose to go into different stores but arranged to meet in a few minutes. While she was in the store, a she saw a friend who was reeling and bleeding from a stab wound. She said she was trying to help the friend and there was blood all over her (my therapist's clothes). She thought, "oh, I will be late to go meet raisin, so I took my phone out and started texting you, but all of a sudden there you were. And then I realized that my clothes were clean. No blood at all. So I didn't have any evidence...and I woke up and thought, 'oh my god, this is what *she* (i.e., me) sees.'" (I think she meant that I saw her as perfect or unaffected.)
I am not at all sure whether to feel rejected by this or not. She seemed to be reading the dream as evidence of our miscommunication. But it also sounded to me like she realized "oh, I can't really take care of her the way she needs, and I wish I had some evidence so I don't have to feel so guilty about it." I don't even know if I'm okay with her telling me her dreams about me to start with, come to think of it. It's disquieting.
On top of that, it was a pretty emotional session (for both of us) because it was the last session in the current office. I was fighting back tears the whole time. She alternately got teary and tried to do things to help me feel better--gave me a paperweight from her desk to take to the new place, said she'd put a piece of tape on the chair because she wanted me to be able to sit in the same place (she has three that look exactly the same, and they'll get mixed up in the move).
I am really mixed up about the whole thing. Good feelings, bad ones, fears...
What do you guys think? Want to take a stab at interpreting a T's dream, for a change?
poster:raisinb
thread:824681
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080405/msgs/824681.html