Posted by Daisym on April 8, 2008, at 2:18:21
This past weekend was a milestone for me - I sent my first email to my therapist and received his first reply. We were testing things - I'm going to be away for an extended period and this will be the best way to communicate - so we wanted to make sure it would work and I had the right name, and all that.
I was really anxious about writing to him. Cyber-space is supposed to be less personal, and less scary. But for me, it is ultra-personal and the written word often reveals truths that my mouth refuses to say. His reply was short and nice and he thought my screen name was "interesting." I didn't think I was anxious about getting a reply but upon reflection, I actually avoided my computer almost all day - which is very unusual for me. And wow - was my heart beating fast when I saw he'd replied. I felt in trouble, and kind of scared and a bunch of other things.
We talked about this today. I can't really explain very well why it was so huge for me to email him and to get a reply. I "write" to him all the time - I journal with him in my head and often take the pages in and read them in therapy. He usually gets a copy to keep, to he sees my words on the page. But it still feels big - like I'm letting him in a very protected space. I was frustrated because I just couldn't explain why this is a big deal. And I can't really get a handle on my feelings around this.
He wanted me to know that email usually feels really impersonal to him and it isn't his style to communicate this way, so his replies will probably be short. He said it doesn't mean he doesn't care. But he also wanted me to know that he did understand that writing was important to me and he was happy to read anything I sent and I could write a bunch if I wanted to. He wants to stay connected - and I loved that he said our connection stretches and holds, whether it is 6 miles or 6,0000.
So I'm wondering about emails now. How intimate do they feel for you? And what kinds of replies do you get? And can you hear "tone" when your therapist replies and is it ever hurtful?
And it is entirely possible that most of my anxiety around the email is really about leaving.
poster:Daisym
thread:822150
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080405/msgs/822150.html