Posted by B2chica on April 2, 2008, at 12:39:23
In reply to Something weird is going on.....trigger maybelong, posted by rskontos on March 31, 2008, at 15:43:52
ooooh ((((((((((RSK)))))))))) i'm so sorry.
i understand a little. i can't tell you how many times i've come to tears (even in the office) when i've snapped to and wanted to ask T what we were talking about...although i'm finally starting to do that a bit (depending who i am at the moment, some of us wont admit it :)
as i don't totally have fugue states, i'm normally 'somewhat aware of things', though don't usually have memory of it...hard to explain. but there are times that i've switched and not been aware and become aware as another 'alter' and that freaks me out inturn freaking them out and that makes them worse and harder to switch back to me.the one thing that really bothers me and i finallly told T this last session is that i saw last T for over a year 2-3times a week and only have a handful of memories of sessions. as for trying to remember what i've told him. i know i told him my 'secrets' but unless i kept a letter that i gave him, or wrote it in my journal i have NO idea what i spent ALL that time and ALL that money on. i think i dissociated most of that year away.
but that was my first step. i told. i got the vile secrets that were slowly killing me from inside and got them out. we never discussed them (that i can remember). and i normally don't think i went into too much detail. but i quickly mumbled them out. hehe normally at the last 10 min of session. (my hit and run technique).
but now i'm on to the second stage i feel and that is what my T call it reprocessing? where i'm sharing (or parts) are sharing specifics and emotions and details. and the strange thing is now mostly i remember what i talk about...although i have a picture journal. i let my littleone draw out about 25 pictures (stick like) to start 'episodes' of 'trauma' that we remember. and when she wants to talk but doesn't know how to get it out she'll open that journal up and point to the picture and we'll talk about the picture.i guess my LONG drawn out point (ha) is this. i got some Great advice once and would Love to pass it along. and maybe i've said this before. but it was SO true and important to me i tell it any time i can.
Therapy goes in stages.
1. you talk about what you want to talk about
2. you talk about what you need to talk about
3. you talk about what you don't want to talk about
4. you talk about what you didn't even know you had insideit's the 3 and 4 that are the toughest. you are there now. my advice. if you trust your T...keep as open with him as possible. if you don't remember tell him. maybe make sure that you have 10 min at the end of session to talk about something really light like movies, or work something to get you to the now. and maybe then you can slip in that you really didn't remember much of 'today's' session. and want to talk about that next time (or that session depending on how much time you have left.
NOW the one thing you said that i really didn't like is that you feel that your thearpy is one-sided...it shoudn't be. you shoudl (especially now) feel supported by your T. right now you are very fragile, getting this crap out is so important and hard and you need support and you need help to get it out and then again keep it in when needed. you need guidance on both. you need him to understand you as a person. have you spent time getting to know eachother..does he seem like the kind of person that does that?
i worry cuz that is EXACTLY how i felt about the very first T i ever had and WOW was he wrong for me. i felt like i just went in there and i was supposed to just talk. and all he did was listen. well i need SO MUCH MORE than that. i need someone who will talk to me, share with me what is going on with me. talk to me, explain to me, guide me. and BU_LEVE ME i searched and searched after him to find the right T but when i found him. he was it...same thing with this T. i searched, luckily i didn't have to too much. and i did spend some time with my guard up with her. but it was well worth it. cuz i know her now. i know. and it works great.also, i don't know about you but for a while i did notice my parts get worse in session before they leveled off a bit. my T explained that they were in a sense 'adjusting'. that they now know that T office is a safe place to come out and that they are always welcome there. This is MUCH better for me cuz now (except for bad session or trigger) i'm better throughout the week and don't have breakthrough teen coming out at work like i used to bunches.
now, my littleone still likes to comeout at work, but it's hard cuz i have a part-time worker that is young and loves kids and my 'littleone' loves her and always wants to be near her....also sometimes when i work with kids it can set her off. but still MUCH better than before.
SO.....
THINGS WILL GET BETTER.
it Does~!and i think one of the hardest things is going from session to pick up our kids. luckily mine isn't old enough to ask why i look/acting funny. but sometimes i feel i know i still shouldn't be driving. thought after session i try to sit in my car for a while if needed.
and RANT RANT RANT ALLLLLLL YOU NEEEEEDD !!!! here dear one.
that's why we're here.REALLY sorry so long.
poster:B2chica
thread:820909
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080321/msgs/821191.html