Posted by rskontos on March 29, 2008, at 19:23:52
In reply to Re: the hardest part...**possible Trigger** » B2chica, posted by raisinb on March 29, 2008, at 12:47:07
Hey sweetie, I know the tough road you are going, my son right now is a teenager and he and his friends make me dissociate more and more. He brings out the angry one and teen so much I dont always know what to do. So I relate. I dont' think and this is MHO disssociative opinion that maybe with babies what you might be having so much trouble with is the stress levels but you won't hurt them any more than you would hurt a puppy or such. You know what I mean. Babies even though they can stress they don't cause the same fear adults do as I think we know they don't mean you harm like what they do cause you is fear of what the heck do I do with this innocent and how to I do no harm stress and that is what most new parents feel. So from that standpoint I don't think you would hurt daughter. You will turn away from the not knowing what to do and this I think causes the dissociation. JMHO That is how I think I lost time with my daughter I was confused sometimes over what to do for her but I did not hurt I think. I hope. She says now she is 19 I did not hurt her. She says I was wonderful mom. I think I was distant some too much. I do know now I have an inner who is just mom. That is all she is for. She comes and goes. mainly to be there for my children. I know when she is around and when she is gone. Her job was the kids. When I felt her gone, I was so lost. I was her so much of the time. We might have co-existed some. She developed to help with the babies when I was so overwhelmed to help me not hurt them I think.
I hope that helps. I know how triggering they can be. I can feel myself leave around my son and especially his friends. It is tough to try to stay sometimes i managed to stay in a floaty state but that is sometimes worse.
On Friday I had to have a skin biopsy and they gave me a shot, it was on my head near my hairline and the next thing I knew she was telling me I could get up. I dissociated during it. I could feel myself talking to try to stay but it didn't help. Isn't funny what makes us leave. Now I knew what they were doing and it should not hurt yet I guess someone inside decided it was scary.
So, I at your age did not know I had been hurt to extent I had been. Although deep down I did not trust anyone around my children. Including their father although he never acted or did one thing that make me think anything. Just a sixth sense I should have listened to a long time ago. So in one sense you are in a better position than I was, you are aware and getting therapy. I wasn't yet I never did anything. My children, 19 and 15 and doing well.
Children are triggery for regular parents as well remember that. Just like raisinb said. No parents know what to do from the beginning. No babies come with manuals.
You will be ok. Because I know how a good mom you are.
rsk
poster:rskontos
thread:820327
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080321/msgs/820568.html