Posted by B2chica on March 28, 2008, at 12:04:15
the place.
i know i'm not here much anymore. i try to stay clear of psych cuz it seems that i'm triggered so much by stuff that i just can't. so i don't.
but i had a MAJOR session wed. and my 'teen' let T read a letter written to my old t that told of a lot of abuse from 'mother' that T never had a clue about.
i was switching all over the place i lost about 1/2 hour of the session, even my 'parts' dissociated.then of course DH had to invite my parents over that night (i didn't know about it and too late to tell them no) so they were over and as terrible as this sounds...the teen in me would stare at her back and say "i could k*ll her if i needed to" that's how angry she still was. i took two xanax and a beer.
yesterday i could barely see my vision was so messed up. im guessing it was the dissociation. i felt floaty and not real...detached. i felt surreal. i kept having memory after memory come forth and needing to talk. T couldn't meet at all yesteray she wasn't in her office.i couldn't even work. so T said she would write a note to my boss. i left work and went home to paint. when i would paint i was fine but EVERYTIME i'd stop even for 5 min. the feelings and memories would come pushing back.T yesterday that she could meet today. i just emailed her to see if she can still meet at 3:30 today but i haven't heard back.
i'm little better but though i'd better go anyway.
i'm still spacy, and feel heavy, my head feels thick.
i just dont think i could care for my daughter the way i'd need to. i need to 'finish' whatever i started on wednesday.is anyone here today.
i don't know what i'm looking for in sharing my cr@p...i guess i just need to know someone understands what its like to be hurt.i apologize ahead of time incase my 'parts' come out here. i feel littleone near.
poster:B2chica
thread:820327
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080321/msgs/820327.html