Posted by crushedout on March 12, 2008, at 22:50:30
Sorry it took me so long to post about Monday. I guess the bottom line is I'm doing well, and coping. Not necessarily in the most ideal ways but it's ok.It's hard to explain what happened. I think waiting a week to talk to her was very destructive because I had convinced myself so well that I hated her that none of her apologies seemed genuine to me. It's possible they were, or they weren't, but I can't tell because I've already decided she s*cks.
She basically said she didn't mean to be hurtful, which I said I'm not sure I believe. What makes this hard for me to believe is that she had a week to process my disclosure before she lashed out at me. She admitted to citing my problems "flippantly" and apologized for that (I felt not wholeheartedly enough). She said she thinks maybe it's because I brought up her kids and she became like a "mother bears with her cubs." I feel like this undermines her statement that she didn't mean to hurt me. This hurts me, just hearing this. I keep hearing that line over and over in my head.
How was I a threat to her cubs anyway?
She wanted me to agree to come in for "x number" more sessions at least but I refused to commit, saying I had to think about it. She said she didn't think I should just leave her feeling mistreated, and go away fantasizing about getting back at her. I told her bitterly not to worry that I would never even consider filing any sort of complaint against her or suing her (she once expressed a fear of this from me). She said that she was concerned about *me*--not about that. I said, "BS." She said, "see now you don't trust me anymore." and I said, "Precisely!"
then i left.
there was more but let me just start by posting that.
poster:crushedout
thread:817642
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080226/msgs/817642.html