Posted by Dinah on February 21, 2008, at 17:40:57
In reply to Jumping in with Trepidation (LONG!), posted by mair on February 19, 2008, at 11:32:55
Mair, I don't think this is something that any of us don't struggle with from time to time. And I *know* we all understand that struggle.
Maybe that's why I find it upsetting. My therapist postulates that I find it upsetting because I struggle with it. And I think no, I find it upsetting because I *do* struggle with it. Because it is something I thoroughly examine. Because I suspect it's something we all thoroughly examine. Because we try to say that yes, we thoroughly examine this.
Of course, being me, I find this sort of discussion leaves me with the feeling that umpteen years of therapy aren't nearly enough, and that I will continue to go to therapy until I die - and if I can arrange it, for a few years after. (grin) If my therapist really was a money hungry opportunist, he'd probably want to pay a commission for discussions like this.
But more seriously, I think you and I have somewhat similar circumstances. We aren't in therapy to work through trauma, but to function as best we can with a condition. To continue to work as productively as possible. To manage stress as best as possible, and to notice when we're in trouble before we get in even worse trouble.
I think it's important in those circumstances to consider whether therapy in general or this therapy in particular is being helpful. And I really think you do that, just as I do.
I don't think lack of rigorous self examination is a flaw that either of us would be guilty of.
You listed a lot of pros and cons. The one that struck me most is that you did do without your therapist for a while, and that you did do ok without her. (I did without therapy for a while, and didn't do ok. Although admittedly the conditions were not ideal.) Since that's true, is there any downside to trying it again? If you try it again will you still be able to find a space in her practice? What would be the worst case scenario, if you're open to going back if you find you aren't doing as well, aren't being as productive?
I was thinking about cutting down on therapy, maybe with an idea to *gasp* terminating. Until I was reminded why it is that I do go to therapy and what health benefits it does bring. And that my psychiatrist, my internist, my gynecologist, and my sleep neurologist, and my migraine neurologist all are very happy that I am in therapy. They usually ask me if I am then say "Good!". :) I even have a prescription for therapy from my psychiatrist.
Bottom line, that's what counts. At this time in your life, do you function better with therapy? If you do, don't worry about the rest. Depression is a recurring illness. You need to treat it in any way that works.
Don't worry about what your friends or colleagues or anyone else might think. Any more than if they objected to one of your medications.
If it isn't currently a helpful treatment or prophylactic treatment for your depression, it might be worthwhile to consider if there are some other worries that might discourage you from leaving therapy. Like fear of hurting your therapist, or that she won't be available again if you need her. Things that you may think that you "shouldn't" think, but you can't really address unless you admit you feel them. (And I speak from some experience here too.)
It's really nice to see you posting again, Mair.
poster:Dinah
thread:813285
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080210/msgs/813970.html