Posted by ClearSkies on February 12, 2008, at 14:49:55
In reply to Re: t saw emergency noodle » ClearSkies, posted by llurpsienoodLe on February 12, 2008, at 13:51:34
>
> I wonder whether my T really sees my pain sometimes. He was really quiet last session and seemed to have a distressed look on his face. there was one huge joke that made us both LourAO.
>This is important, Llurpsinoodle. My T has a certain gift, and that is that she is exquisitely sensitive to sensing my emotions at any given time. I don't even have to open my mouth and she is able to say, "there's something not right going on". Perhaps she's a great student of body language, but I think, more than that, she's a sensitive person - she's told me that she has to be careful how she schedules her clients so she doesn't burn herself out on any given day considering the type of clients she sees.
> I will ask him next time. I have told him before that I am a good actress, but he says he can see through it, and that I am authentic underneath, not just a total fake, as I have feared in the past.
>
> I wonder whether he thinks I'm malingering. He told me "I bet you'll feel better by Thursday", which sounds like a challenge to me. What if I don't get better? When is getting better a choice?
>I think it's more like he doesn't know you well enough to be able to pick up on your subtle clues - you and I both know that we're good at hiding our illnesses from the world; he doesn't know you well enough to realize how well you are hiding them from him? Not on purpose, Llurpsie, but because this is what we've been taught to do and we do it very well. I have a T who sees past my facade without my having to open my mouth - some might find that threatening; but I find it a huge comfort that she can see some things without me having to name them.
> Does this make any sense. I am afraid to let my emotions get too authentic. I'm okay telling him I'm extremely anxious, but I have trouble showing him my shaking hands. I can tell him that I'm sad, but cannot cry. I can only laugh, and I laugh lots. or I stare away from him, ashamed of my own suffering.
>Yes, of course it makes sense - for all our attachments to our T's, we daren't really show them how we're really feeling, do we? Because what if we did and they rejected us, as our families have done in the past? I know I've always have a big part of my suffering held in reserve from her, for all her insights reveal about me.
> thank you for coming back from babblebreak. missed you
>
> -Ll
>
>I'm relieved to be back :-)
poster:ClearSkies
thread:811347
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080210/msgs/812279.html