Posted by llurpsienoodLe on February 12, 2008, at 13:51:34
In reply to Re: t saw emergency noodle » llurpsienoodle, posted by ClearSkies on February 12, 2008, at 7:11:12
> > He made me feel better, but told me that the best help for depression that HE knew of was to fake having a normal life with all our strength until it becomes easier and less forced.
> >
> > I was crestfallen. I had hoped he had a better answer.
> >
> > sigh.
> >
> > there are no easy fixes.
> >
> > -Ll
>
> Now isn't THAT interesting - my T has told me that my tendency to smile through the tough times (and bottle up my emotions in doing do) was indicative of my past codependent behavior. Sure feels like that - all those years of growing up in an alcoholic household and all of us family members pretending that nothing was wrong. My tendency now is to try to do the same, but the suffering inside is exponentially worse than when I was young. My resiliency, it would seem, has worn away to nothing.And mine... :(
>
> I guess the answer is that there is a middle ground here. That we have to acknowledge that there is something wrong some days, but that we're not to give in to it? (But that doesn't feel right somehow either.) My T's advice has been to *not* try to smile through the hard times, but to honour them gently.
>
> Surely both these wise people know what they're talking about - and surely you and I come from totally different experiences; but isn't it strange that we're getting opposite advice about depressed states?
>I wonder whether my T really sees my pain sometimes. He was really quiet last session and seemed to have a distressed look on his face. there was one huge joke that made us both LourAO.
I will ask him next time. I have told him before that I am a good actress, but he says he can see through it, and that I am authentic underneath, not just a total fake, as I have feared in the past.
I wonder whether he thinks I'm malingering. He told me "I bet you'll feel better by Thursday", which sounds like a challenge to me. What if I don't get better? When is getting better a choice?
Does this make any sense. I am afraid to let my emotions get too authentic. I'm okay telling him I'm extremely anxious, but I have trouble showing him my shaking hands. I can tell him that I'm sad, but cannot cry. I can only laugh, and I laugh lots. or I stare away from him, ashamed of my own suffering.
thank you for coming back from babblebreak. missed you
-Ll
poster:llurpsienoodLe
thread:811347
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080210/msgs/812255.html