Posted by Daisym on February 1, 2008, at 10:55:32
In reply to Re: this is rough *long*, posted by Dinah on February 1, 2008, at 10:20:51
It has been my experience that sometimes we get to an impasse in the relationship part - I *want* to feel connected, he *wants* me to feel connected but I feel like he has withdrawn, he says I'm projecting, etc.
So - what has been helpful, at times, is to stick a pin in it. We let go of talking about the relationship and we focus on an issue. We might talk about work, or one of my kids, or an abuse memory. And almost always, I find that we get connected again, because I'm not watching so intently for those things that make me think he doesn't understand or care. He says when I get in that space that I'm "building a case" - finding each thing that makes me believe that he is going to leave, or he doesn't understand, or whatever the current fear is.
I'm sorry - it all sounds so painful. And I know how frustrating it can be. But perhaps if you can just let it go (easier said than done, I know) it might get better on its own.
poster:Daisym
thread:810058
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080126/msgs/810083.html