Posted by widget on January 23, 2008, at 16:49:16
In reply to Re: still miserable about love feelings for therapist, posted by raisinb on January 23, 2008, at 15:04:14
Dear Raisinb, thanks so much. I feel quite alone with this. Of course, my therapist is well aware. I keep waiting for him to get disgusted with me and tell me to move on! Fortunately, that doesn't or hasn't happened. Which, in a way, just makes him even more special a desirable. He has spent a lot of time talking with me about this. He feel it is just "transference" and I agree it is about 50% true and 50% plain old love. Can you really choose whom you love and when? Hasn't this been discussed in literature since mankind began recording the written word?
My father was mean and cold toward me. So, although I had a father, I didn't experience a warm and loving father. So, yes, my therapist is all that AND MORE because it is sexualized since, as he puts it, I am now an adult and this is how I interpret it. He once told me recently that my father should have adored me. Adored me? I said, "why can't you?" He responded that would be seriously inappropriate for him to do. All the boundary issues, etc. What I hear is, "well, because I don't adore you nor do I have any feelings for you beyond the fact that I am your doctor and you are my patient/client." I often think if I only knew that he DID have some attraction toward me as a woman but could in no way act upon it, I would be satisfied. However, He either does not harbor any such feelings (even just in his unconscious or in fantasy) or he feels it would be a huge boundary violation to admit it. I fear he just doesn't feel the same way toward me that I do toward him. And, what is so odd is how shocked this makes me. Sure, after all, he must be experiencing what I am experiencing. Hmmmm. I am no usually so "sure" of my devestating feminine wiles! Thanks for listening. I think that is it in a nutshell.
The "good" news is that I am working toward accepting that there is nothing I can say, do, act like, dress like, pretend to be that will change his mind. And, that is something. It offers some peace and I can just be myself which is what he asked me to do (since I said I would do anything to make him love me.) Wow, that feels nice to get out as no one, NO ONE, has heard this except him.
Good luck with your remission. I hope it lasts. It's like a jungle fever. Widget
poster:widget
thread:808562
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080114/msgs/808575.html