Posted by sunnydays on January 17, 2008, at 17:28:33
In reply to Re: he was there.... » sunnydays, posted by rskontos on January 15, 2008, at 21:25:18
> Suunydays, my t/p-doc says the same thing, that I had no stable parent model to trust and so I trust no one and that I might run from him. He says this every time I come. I don't believe the world to be the same or people to be the same. But then again I dont expect anything from anyone so not to be disappointed.
*** I'm sorry you feel that way. I feel like I am continually disappointed, so I think sometimes I expect/wish for unrealistic things from others. I don't think it really is an expectation, though, more like a really strong want.
And if he does the least thing from he knows I will disappear. Like today, I mixed up the appointment time, showed up WAY early and he rearranged the time so he could go ahead and meet with me, I got upset and said I would come back but he had already sent the other young man away. I said why would you do that, he said I know he will be back, you I don't know if you can make it back or will. It is my fault anyway for changing your appt. time so much. I was floored he took the blame.
**** He cares about you. He realizes that it is hard for you when he changes your appointment time and was recognizing that that was making it hard for you to feel safe. I think he was really trying to show you he cares about you and that you are a very important person that he wants to see.
It was my fault. I got home and found the appt, card. I had the wrong time. I was 2 hours early. He saw me anyway. He is trying to retrain me to see him as a stable parent. It will take a while as neither of my parents were stable. So I do understand what your t is saying. When your parents are not stable you trust no one to be stable or your world to remain stable. Does this make more sense.
**** Yeah, I never know what mood my parents will be in when I am at home from one moment to the next. I never know whether they will be loving or critical, happy or angry, etc.
As part of your therapy you should start to see him or your t as the stable one. at least that is what mine says. I can't even remember my appt time much less if the world is the same LOL.....
**** I do see him as fairly stable, but there are still so many things that scare me. Every time he doesn't answer an email I freak out that he's sick or dead, when really he told me that when he's busy he doesn't respond. He forgets to call me when we set up phone sessions, just because his memory for that kind of thing isn't the greatest. And he was injured last year for over a month, which really shook me. So there are little breaks and ruptures. But I think he wants me to see that even when there are those things, he is still fundamentally the same person, he acts the same, feels the same way about me, etc. Which I am starting to get more of a sense of.
>
> Glad your T is a warm smiley type..... And of course he means it.... I think the problem is connection.....you haven't a connection to school when you gone right? To you, your gone and so school is gone from your mind right?*** Well, if I have schoolwork or something, I'll be stressing about getting it done, but it doesn't feel like school the place is there, just like there is some sense of impending trouble or doom if I don't get the work done.
But not your T he isn't gone? Your t you still think about, I am guessing.. and that is a good thing I think.
*** I think it's good too. Sometimes I don't feel like he's there, and then sometimes I miss him intensely. But you're right, that probably is good.
sunnydays
poster:sunnydays
thread:806560
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080114/msgs/807286.html